What Men Think About Commitment

It's happened to many women, and has probably happened to you - how a man suddenly withdraws and stops getting in touch with you right you talked to him about settling down. It's a baffling experience, especially when you remember how he used to fawn and beg you to have him in your life. Have you ever wondered what men really think about commitment?

For one thing, men don't think of commitment the same way as women do. Women think of commitment as a stage in the relationship that comes - or should come - after you've gone steady for a certain length of time. For some women, it's a few weeks. For others, a few months. Still others, even a few years. Whatever the time frame, women think that sooner or later, the relationship should move into the deeper next level.

Men see things very differently. Time doesn't matter to them. In fact, even his words and actions don't matter when it comes to commitment. To them, commitment isn't a stage that a relationship eases into after a period of dating. Put simply, for men, committing is a dormant emotion that wakes up only when he knows and feels that he wants to settle down with you. This can happen after a period of time, but men really don't count the weeks, months, and years.

Similarly, withdrawing from you is also a dormant emotion in men, and it's triggered when you discuss commitment when he's not ready. Men hate being badgered about things they don't want to talk about at that time, and pressing the issue only makes this worse. If you try to convince him that committing to you is the right and only thing to do, it's a sure way of making him pack his bags.

Let's face it - men won't commit to you simply because you tell them to.

Men will only decide to settle down with you when they know and feel that they want to spend the rest of their lives with you. The decision to commit comes from them. Not you. And if you don't want him to withdraw, you'd better not try to convince him!

So what can you do to nudge him in the right direction without shooting yourself in the foot?

Well, for starters, the best way is by being honest. And by honest, it doesn't mean that you should go right ahead and tell him how you feel, then give him an ultimatum. Instead, be more honest with yourself and your own feelings. Who are you? What do you want from life?

Most women are a hodgepodge of identities, flipping into personalities that "suit the occasion." This is tantamount to wearing masks - they don't really present themselves to the world as unapologetically as they should. If you can shed all these masks and instead learn to be yourself, then you'll find yourself more open to more of the good men and less of the jerks.

**I think this really important and should really be addressed to women who are lost regardless if you're single, undergoing a serious relationship or even setting down on a marriage.

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